I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
