yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
