I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
