I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
