She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
