So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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