We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
