My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
