I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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