yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
