doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
