Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
