last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
