life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
