Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
