between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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