The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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