I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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