I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
