She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
