well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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