Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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