the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
