tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
