She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
