Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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