Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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