Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
