you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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