I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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