My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
