I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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