You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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