And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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