there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
