Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
