Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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