So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
