I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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