She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
