i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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