Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
