one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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