so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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