sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
