I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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