dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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