Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Enjoy the penises
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
