She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
