Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
