ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Text me some of your sweat
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
