You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
