he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
